Intimacy at Any Age

Insights Beyond the Practical Advice

Notes from a podcast re: David and Mitsue Wolfenberger

The Game-Changing Shift They Discovered

Early in their marriage, like many couples, David and Mitsue Wolfenberger approached intimacy with a focus on frequency and personal satisfaction. But David shared a pivotal realization: “Sex is for giving enjoyment to your partner” rather than seeking your own pleasure.

This wasn’t just a technique change—it was a spiritual awakening. As Mitsue put it, “God became real in the sex when we understood” this principle. When both partners focus on serving each other, intimacy transforms from a physical act into what she beautifully calls “love making”—literally creating love through the physical connection.

The Rituals That Build Lasting Desire

Beyond adapting to physical changes, they’ve maintained passion through consistent small acts: Daily Romance: David still opens every door for Mitsue, sneaks up behind her in the kitchen for surprise embraces, and carefully chooses cards that will truly touch her heart.

Weekly Date Nights: Even with children, they prioritized time together—sometimes driving 1.5 hours just for dinner and a movie, creating space to focus solely on each other.

Sacred Aftercare: Their emphasis on cuddling and connection after intimacy rather than immediately falling asleep creates what Mitsue calls “the best sleep”—deeply connected and rested.

Breaking Through Shame to Honest Communication

Perhaps most importantly, they learned to talk openly about changes without shame. Mitsue mentioned how reading about the “core of the universe” helped remove shame around sexuality, allowing her support group of women their age to finally have honest conversations they’d never had—even with their husbands.

David’s advice: “You need to have the conversation” about how bodies and desires change, approaching it with encouragement and acceptance rather than awkwardness.

Hope for Every Stage

Their message resonates whether you’re newlyweds or decades into marriage: “It’s never too late” to improve intimacy. As David emphasized, “You just start from where you’re at.”

For parents feeling pulled between children and spouse, Mitsue offered this wisdom: Don’t wait until children are grown to restore intimacy—prioritize your relationship now, because “it becomes very difficult to go back there” if you let it fade.

The Deeper Purpose

What makes their story so compelling isn’t just that they’ve maintained physical intimacy into their later years, but that they’ve discovered its spiritual dimension. Sexual intimacy, they learned, creates non-sexual intimacy—helping couples show affection and connection in all areas of life.

This isn’t about performance or frequency. It’s about two people choosing to serve each other in the most vulnerable and sacred way possible, creating a foundation of love that strengthens with time rather than weakens.

Haven’t listened to the full conversation yet? Their complete discussion offers even more practical guidance on navigating physical changes, maintaining romance, and building intimacy that truly lasts.

Ready to start where you are? Remember: every small act of service and connection matters, whether you’re 20 or 65+.