Contributed by Myrna Lapres at coachmyrna.org
Last week, I spent four days working at my former school to help the teachers get ready for their new school year. (Yes, schools in Georgia start the beginning of August!?!?) One of my students Mandy (not her real name) and her mom arrived on Monday to find out that she had been switched to the Orange Group of the last week of summer camp. Mandy doesn’t do well with new situations and was a little anxious about the change. However, she knew me and had several friends in the Orange Group, so I was sure that she would do fine. However, the challenge for Mandy was compounded because her mother got upset and took Mandy with her to speak with one of the administrators. In front of Mandy, the mom escalated the whole thing by overacting, demanding a refund for the week. Clearly, the daughter wasn’t the only one getting emotional.
As parents, how many times have we done this? We step in to speak for our children, fight their battles, go to bat when a teacher or a friend is treating them unfairly. We have the best of intentions and we act out of love. But what kind of message are we sending to our children? Some experts call this being a “helicopter parent.” The parent hovers over children and rescues them from the hostile world in which they live. To protect them, we take on the responsibilities of our child and we give them the message that he or she cannot handle them. Children need to hear the message from us: “I love you and you can do this. I believe in you, and I am here if you need help.” By asking guiding questions and offering our support, we give them the gift of problem-solving.
If we are honest with ourselves, many times the challenges that our children face trigger feelings in ourselves: fear, anxiety, low self-worth, inadequacy, and memories of being bullied/misunderstood and more. Raising children is an opportunity to heal and reparent ourselves. In order to love our children unconditionally, we need to continue to love and heal ourselves from the wounds that life has brought us. Learning to forgive and love ourselves and others is a key part of the healing process.
As a Parent Coach, I help people identify their goals and the obstacles they are facing. As a certified relationship coach, I believe that you have the answers within to work toward solving any issues that you have. I would guide you to discover what is blocking you, what needs healing and work to empower you to move forward. For more information, click here.